In our signature course Enchant, which we’re teaching live this month, our third week is devoted to boundaries – what they are, why you set them, how you set them, and how you hold them. Our touchstone tale for this topic is “Beauty and the Beast,” and we talk a lot about how the tale features multiple instances of having and holding boundaries. For example, how Beauty repeatedly tells the Beast that no, she will not marry him, every single night. Every night he asks, every night she says no. She sets a boundary and holds that boundary.

For a person who, at my MOST self-abandoning, can be a fawning, people-pleasing, high-functioning co-dependant constant breaker of my own boundaries, it’s really pretty inspiring. Especially because Beauty definitely isn’t perfect at boundaries either! But there’s real negotiation and growth, especially if we look at Beaumont’s version of the fairy tale.

Via Enchant, and other resources, I’m really grappling with my enormous difficulties surrounding boundaries. I know that they are tied very deeply to my intense hatred of anyone ever being even mildly upset, particularly anyone being even mildly upset with me (#LibraMoon.) I’m afraid, on some level, that upsetting or inconveniencing someone in the tiniest way may lead to them leaving me forever. Therefore, somewhere in my lizard brain, boundaries are bad because if I don’t put myself behind everyone else, I will most definitely lose them all. 

It’s not good. But I am working on it. I can see with my logic brain that this isn’t true, even if my lizard brain is dragging its feet.

The hardest thing for me, though, is how much I do care. As Beauty and the Beast get closer over the course of the story, it must get harder and harder for her to tell him no. She still doesn’t want to marry him, but she is growing to care for him, and I bet that letting him down every night must start to feel awful for her. I know how much trying to hold boundaries with those I deeply care about can suck… in fact, I’m in the middle of trying to do it right now, and, spoiler alert, it does not feel great at the moment. I really wish I could skip to the part where I feel empowered, or strong, or even certain in the knowledge this is the right thing. 

Frankly, I wish I could wave a wand and get rid of my guilt, my fear, my sadness, the pain and queasiness in my gut… but the only way to do that is by breaking my boundary. 

Which I cannot do anymore. 

I’m holding it. Because I do think it’s the right thing for me, just like Beauty knew saying no in that moment was the right thing for her. She stuck to her truth and believed that she mattered too.

I do think I matter too. So I am doing my best to hold this boundary, even though it feels so uncomfortable, and even though my default is to make everyone else happy. I can do it.

And you know what? You can do it, too. Is there a boundary you’re trying to hold that feels really difficult right now? Let’s hold it together.

P.S. I’m using the story of “Beauty and the Beast” here to help me write about some personal issues that are very, very hard for me to just write about directly. If this kind of work interests you, I really recommend checking out our pre-recorded lecture on how fairy tales can help you write your memoir, personal narrative, non-fiction piece, journal entry, etc that we contributed to the Dirty, Messy, Alive Embodied Memoir-Writing workshop series. The event officially started yesterday, but you can still join us for FREE by clicking her (plus, if you nab the jam-packed All-Access Pass after signing up you’ll also get our FULL Find Your Fairy Tale mini course included! Fair warning on that though – the price for that goes up $50 tonight at midnight PT, 3AM ET, so you’ll definitely want to grab it asap if you’re interested!)